Today is Blogging for LGBT Families Day.  I will be honest, I haven't blogged on personal/political/LGBT issues for a long time.  I was burned out by defending my life and my family constantly and took a break.

Over the last few months though, I've been reminded of why this is so important.  Why we need to speak out and stand up.  I have a daughter.  A beautiful little girl that when she calls me "Momma" my heart melts and when she hugs me I feel like I can conquer the world.  I know I can't on my own, but she makes me want to.

My partner and I are nearing the end of a long second-parent adoption process.  We're awaiting a date to go before the judge and finalize everything.  We're fortunate that we've had a supportive donor, supportive friends and family, and the legal system so far has worked in our favor (which is saying a lot in our very, very red state!)  We started the process probably over 10 months ago, and didn't realize how long it would take.  We've been blessed that nothing catastrophic has happened in the meantime, and we've also been blessed that we've managed to find the money to cover the cost of the adoption.  We've spent close to $4000 on the lawyer and the home visit.  Let me tell you how much fun it is to have your life opened up for the world to see!!!  Nothing like having a stranger question every minor thing you've done.  It didn't matter that we'd already been raising a perfectly healthy child and paying our bills, providing above and beyond for our daughter.  Everything was questioned.  It's ironic that our finances were questioned since we had to deplete our savings just so we could have the social worker question why we didn't have any savings.  Oh, gee, because we had to pay YOU!!!

Many people think it's not necessary for us to marry as long as we can pay for all these expenses, but the fact is, even though we can marry in a few states now, we'd still have to go through this adoption process even in MA.  Adoption is universal, recognized everywhere, but our marriages aren't.  In Iowa, my partner and I could marry for $35.  A simple piece of paper issued by the government.  But I still wouldn't be anymore of a parent to my daughter.  This is where inequality and piece-meal legislation hurts us, all of us.  Every day that ticks away risks my daughter's sense of security.  Anything could happen between now and when the adoption is finalized.  I try not to think of those things, or I'd never sleep, but it's there...always.

I want my daughter to feel safe and secure and confident about her place in this world.  I don't want her always worrying about who will raise her if something happened to me or her mom.  I don't want fights and custody battles over her with sanctimonious family.  I want to give her peace and security.  That's my job as a parent.  I kiss booboos and I protect her from the world.  I fight to keep her from hearing hate directed at her or her family from people who think they have a right and a place to hurt us.  I want her growing up in a world where she can go anywhere, do and be anything she wants, and love freely.

No matter what the world says or what the laws say or even religion says, she's my child and I'll fight for her to have a better life than I had.  Hate legislation and inequality don't just hurt the gay or lesbian individual it's directed at, but our children too.  For all the talk by conservatives and religious fundamentalists about loving children and protecting them, they're doing a bang up job of hurting them.

But I will fight on...for her.